There’s a great blog out there called A Belle in Brooklyn, authored by a southern woman who journals her adventures of life in the BK. Recenly she had a very thought provoking post about how women who are financially struggling in the Black community tend to have the most children, whereas the professional Black women have few or no children. She discusses the affect this it is having on the caliber of our youth and essentially our tomorrow. I stand by the Tupac line in Keep Your Head Up “And since a man can’t make one, he has no right to tell a woman when and where to create one.” Especially since I’ve recently been getting more experienced in my professional career, I can’t blame the women who work harder than the average, who don’t want to come home and tend to children. Worthy of a separate discussion in itself, we should consider the fact that the percentage of professional black women who are single is astounding. Single motherhood is not something to take lightly.
I would, however, like to open the topic for discussion for our men and women in the Black community and beyond, because this really is a socio-economic issue more than it is a race one, in my opinion. It becomes racial when we (Black people) are looking out for ourselves, within the larger scope of the issue. But it is an issue none-the-less. So here’s the letter…
Last weekend I attended my best friend’s bday dinner (the big 30)! A bunch of us were sitting around engaging in the regular banter of late 20’s/ early 30 young professionals. My BFF segues from into a story about a visit at her Ob/Gyn where her doctor, a white woman, begged her to start multiplying. The Ob/Gyn hoped not to offend, then told her more educated, professional AA’s need to start having babies and need to start having them soon, to balance out the craziness in our community.
She asked my BFF if any of her friends have babies (which none of us do). Upon hearing that we did not, her OBGYN was futher alarmed. She asked what is going to become of African- Americans if all of the educated folks continue to be baby free?
This really got me thinking. at that brunch table were all act right, educated, self respecting AA’s. And we’re ALL baby free? Then I thought about my circle at work and beyond who are mostly baby- free too. The more I thought about it, the more I realized my BFF’s OBGYN may be on to something!
The people in our community that need to produce the most are not and the people who need to stop producing, multiply like there is no tomorrow. What will happen to future generations?? We complain that there is a lack (in particular) of well mannnered, educated AA men. But if we are not getting married and having babies and in turn, raising well-mannered, educated AA men, who is to blame?
Back in the day, WEB Dubois proclaimed that we need to rely on the “Talented Tenth” to move us forward as a community. I would argue that the so- called Talented Tenth is failing our community. We are no longer getting married— or believing in marriage— and we are no longer reproducing (at the rate of other folks in the community).
I know your position on babies, but maybe we should re-think our position on not having children. We need more future Belles than not.
For the Belle’s full feedback on the letter, check her post out here.
I WOULD LOVE TO HERE WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THIS TOPIC. LET’S KEEP IT CLEAN AND RESPECTFUL!
I consider myself a professional black woman and I have two children. It’s very hard to manage that lifestyle because the image of the “happy american family” with 2.5 children was typically with the man working and the woman as a house wife. Such is not the case anymore in life. As expensive as it is to life a decent life in New York City, both husband and wife need to be working. And just like you said, often times the professional black woman is single – whether it be she intimidates the black men who aren’t doing anything with their lives, or they just don’t have the time for love. Luckily I have a balance, and a loving and understanding husband.
Comment by NothingToIt — October 24, 2009 @ 11:41 am
This is a serious post. I just put this link on facebook and twitter. People need to speak up on this topic… My thoughts… The doctor has a very good point but has no right to tell that woman what to do with her life. It’s hard for professional people, men AND women, to tend to a child while traveling and working late hours. However, there is a very valid point in the idea that the financial set up in such families is the situation where children can be raised comfortably… Well…it’s not all about money. I’d like to see what women have to say.
Comment by David G — October 24, 2009 @ 1:38 pm
Reading this post allowed me to take a mental break from work and really do some thinking. My friends know me to say “I don’t think I want kids.” Normally I say it because that is honestly how I feel, now I am trying to figure out WHY I feel this way. I think my issue with having kids is the fear of not having a family. I was raised with both mom and dad and they have been married 25+ yrs. It is extremely hard to find someone suitable enough to date, let alone marry and reproduce. A lot of professional women do not have the time to really find a suitable partner or they don’t have the “luck” of finding someone on their level. I honestly believe that if I met a worthy man my thoughts on children could change. I do agree with the OB/GYN and her conclusion (to a certain extent). At the same time if a professional woman does not want children, it is best not to bring that child into the world as that can have a negative effect on the child as well. This is such a blanket statement and I believe that it goes beyond the “community” and/or “situation” a child is brought up in, as many kids in a less favorable situation grow up to be successful. The concept of the “black family” has changed drastically and is no longer the source of empowerment and uplifting, making this a very tough problem to fix.
Comment by Shik — October 27, 2009 @ 2:38 pm
I am a professional educated black female age 25 and this concerns me. I worry about reaching the age of 30 and still being single as I am now. I am currently focused on getting myself into a meaningful relationship as to avoid these problems mentioned; in the future . I don’t want to be a statistic. It would be hard to raise children and have a career but I see many white folks doing just that. I think people need to stop thinking about themselves and think on a broad scale. We should be fruitful and we should multiple. That is part of our life’s purpose. I don’t want to work as hard as have and plan to continue to only to die with out someone to carry on my legacy. I don’t want all that I am and that my family has been to die with me.
Comment by stace — October 27, 2009 @ 9:22 pm