By Purple Pump
I’m a 25 yr old VERY single lady, so naturally I go out do single things and meet guys. Out of the last 4 guys I’ve met only ONE was childless. Now a few years ago, if you had a kid or kids I wasn’t checkin for ya, no ifs ands or buts about it. But recently I came to the conclusion that it is going to be extremely hard for me to meet guys without a kid. I just feel like I’m in the age range (25-30) where it’s very common for single men to have kids. Now that I’m older, I don’t have a big issue with dating guys with kids. I also feel like if I wanna date, I don’t really have room to be judgy towards men with kids. By the time I rule out those that are in situations, those that don’t like the ladies, and the unworthy ones, the pickings are slim.
Based on responses received on twitter, I’m not the only female experiencing this. While discussing this common theme with a few guy friends, they said that they don’t meet too many baby mamas. Even in friends/associates, I have one girlfriend who is expecting but I have MANY guy friends that have kids. If single women are meeting/dating baby daddies then who’s dating the baby mamas?! Are the baby daddies still dating the baby mamas AND other women? Are the baby mamas too busy to date? Do their careers and kid(s) take precedence over dating? Are the women in this age range not having kids as much as the men are (lots of guys date younger women)? I don’t know the answer, but I was curious to know what other people think is goings on…
What do yall think about all of this? And ladies, how do you feel about dating baby daddies?
I’ll start the convo off by saying that I agree. I know a boatload of baby daddies but not that many baby mommas. I would actually be open to dating a baby momma as long as her drama is under wraps… but I just don’t even meet that any. I do not think that people should settle for anything less than they want though, so if you’ve dreamed all your life of that fairytale “get married and have OUR first child together” type of thing then you should probably stick to that. no one needs a bitter wife-of-the-baby-daddy being all mean to the innocent child lol
Comment by Rondel — December 10, 2009 @ 2:49 pm
Personally Im not ready to have my own kids as a 20 something female. That also means i’m not ready to play pretend step-mom to some random kid, who has a cute father. I rather take my chances on the slim pickin’s. Does every date have to come with a complimentary kid? Not in my world and not in my 20’s. With all the changes in society, I rather not bend, no matter how difficult. Not judging..just preference.
Comment by Tadi — December 10, 2009 @ 5:59 pm
I think things that were drilled into us as children and our enviornment have a lot to do w this. For one, girls are told to be ladies, don’t have sex–if u do, ur a whore. Boys told to sow their wild oats, and f**k like crazy. Second, women have a zillion ways to prevent pregnancy- the pill, female condom, the patch, uva rill (wateva that is is) the man–not so much, they have a condom. Now how many men out there don’t prefer the condom off? 3rd, I’m not even gonna get on the racial implecations of slavery and its effects on how the black male n female treat each otha and our ideas of love or even economics. But I will say that love is some shyt that just comes. And if ur dating a baby daddy n u love him well then that’s ur life n no it may not always be favorable. But there are good men who have children and just like u gotta ex, he got one too. Why is she not dating? Well I think she is wasting her time tryin to get ova the baby daddy and therefore misses oppurtunities. I aggree she may be busy. Parenthood is the single most important job one can have. And thru that realizing the importance of that job, it is my hope that these baby daddys can be fathers.
Comment by MoMoney — December 10, 2009 @ 6:48 pm
I just dont want to be with someone who started a family without me…..sorry.
Comment by Lee G. — December 10, 2009 @ 7:20 pm
I’m dating a baby daddy right now, and it hasn’t been an issue because his child lives with her mother in another country. However, it will be a problem for me because he’s leaving next month to actually be part of her life, which is a very noble gesture…but it leaves me with nothing. Now of course our situation is not the norm, but my issue with dating people with kids is that those kids will ALWAYS come first, and rightfully so. I just don’t like being second. So even though the pickings are slim, the next man that I date must be childless.
Comment by Vix — December 10, 2009 @ 8:52 pm
I agree with Rondel…and I don’t think its something that bothers me a WHOLE lot, it would just be ideal to be with someone without kids. I also agree with Tadi I’m soooo not ready for kids I’m not even sure if i want them myself. In my experience these guys or BD’s aren’t interested in me playing step mommy, hell I haven’t even met the anybody’s child. I don’t mind that bc the child has a mother and does not need me to fill in. Grant it, these are people I’m “dating” not in a relationship with. I definitely respect your opinion/preference, but I don’t mind if the guy has a kid and their relationship is seperate from ours. I def know it aint for everybody…and I feel ya MoMoney the statistics were just baffling to me bc for every baby daddy theres def a baby momma…I guess bc most men do not have to take on the bulk of the responisbility of being a parent they have more time to play the field *shrugs*
Comment by Purple Pump — December 10, 2009 @ 9:20 pm
OMG, WTF, and LMAOO @ MoMoney’s comment “Now how many men out there don’t prefer the condom off?” Unfortunately, here is the reason why we have ppl. w/ half rotten genitals and kiddies roaming around w/ p/t dad’s. However, I 100% agree w/ you in the hope for bd’s coming fathers. Knowing you have always have your child’s mom to baby sit and relay upon for most things leaves a lot more room to date and be a little more lax if given the opportunity.
Comment by Tadi — December 11, 2009 @ 1:21 pm
I’ve always said I don’t want any baby mama drama and rather date a single man. However, I’ve realized the baby daddies have creeped up on me in my mid 20s. I dated 3 of them in the last year alone. One had a kid during 2 year space we lost contact then we started dating again, one got someone pregnant while dating me (that slime lol), and now my current bf.
My bf didn’t automatically come out and tell me he had a kid because he knew I was still in disgust about the guy who knocked someone up. However, he hinted and joked that he did. After I really start liking he came out with it. I mean who am I to judge, he had the kid before he even knew I existed. I admit I’d prefer to marry and start a family with a man who doesn’t have kids but I now understand you can’t help who you fall in love with.
Comment by Kate — December 11, 2009 @ 10:34 pm
LOL I mean single man w/out kids not a single man. lol
Comment by Kate — December 11, 2009 @ 10:35 pm
I agree with Lee G. There are plenty of childless, single, GOOD men out there. I’ll wait for one of those. A man who already has children seems to have no damn self control. Ugh.
Comment by ms. complexity — December 12, 2009 @ 8:32 pm
I know I’m a little late on my response but I couldn’t pass up the chance to chat about this topic… I completely agree with Rondel in saying stick to want you want. Now with that said, alot of women have no idea what they want. Figure out what’s truly important to you and look for that in your partner. Unfortanately a lot of women are narrowing their odds of finding good men because their expectations are so unreasonable. By crossing men with kids of your list, you may have crossed of someone you may be most compatiable with. There are men out there who are single, gorgeous, smart and most importantly, employed lol… Pass up on that if you want. But when your 40’s kick you in the ass and you ended up with Joe Shmoe who was just aiight from the gate but had no kids, and it doesn’t work out, you’ll be wishing you had more options then. Don’t shut doors that don’t deserve to be shut. Don’t cut yourself men.
You’ll might just pass up on the person you were meant to be with, because you didn’t want to “settle”.
And btw… Half of women are skeevy asses who don’t deserve good men anyway and should be thankful for whomever’s showing you any type of interest. Some of yall were playing yourself for even thinking about cutting certain men off.
Comment by Kamille — January 6, 2010 @ 6:33 pm
Even later with the commentation…but I won’t date a man who already has a child/children. I don’t have any at my age for a reason so why should I take second priority in someones life because they chose to have a child? I I have lost many of prospects due to this same thing. The older we get the more and more male friends are having children and worse off are not with the mothers.
Comment by Stace — March 30, 2010 @ 3:03 pm