“The art of making love seems like a pastime, whereas f*cking, has become this generation’s making-out. I think men pursue it a bit more aggressively then women — after clubs, after school, etc. I personally enjoy the occasional quickie but never OD. Too much sex can be counterproductive, and truthfully, I’m pursuing monogamy — even if it is pessimistically searching. Sexing, in my humble opinion, has nothing to do with feelings or physical attraction for that matter. I think a woman can be sexy but not cute or bun-able (aka “wifeable” in DC terminology). These women are the ones who get me thinking ‘bout pulling their hair back and moving some furniture, but nothing more then a 15-minute — 25 if there’s some VSOP nearby. There is no passion, no strings attached. There may be welts and bruises.

It’s essentially a sexual spar between two vigorous opponents — with no losers. Henney with no chase. No Jodeci. No kissing. Get your clothes and leave when it’s over. Please don’t sleep next to me. Please don’t call me for 24 hrs… and we can do this again.
But don’t assume I haven’t been on the receiving end. I’ve even mistaken a f*ck for a love session before. Not fun. Making love is simply put: poetry in motion. Stroke her to the beat of her favorite song. Strawberries, Champagne, a bubble bath, eye contact. Hearing her heart beat while slowly handling business.

The aftermath of lovemaking is almost as important as the actual act. Gazing at the ceiling until we doze off. Running fingers through hair. Her playing with the dreads, ears, or whatever she deems necessary after the act. Sometimes a female needs to be reminded that there are feelings behind the sex. And to never be confused with sexing.

Making love, in my opinion is what makes the world go round. The toughest dude, the most cold hearted gold-digger — they all have that thing. Even if it’s buried in a dark place. I believe the art of making love (when it ACTUALLY is LOVE… MUTUALLY) is like an exercise of the soul. It’s like massaging the deepest feeling you could have for someone.

Long story short; if we are just screwing, don’t call unless you are making an appointment and when we are done, don’t wait around for breakfast. CIAO!”

Check the rest of the interview at Honey Magazine

Everybody talks about ending the year with a bang, and while I’m down for that I am more concerned about how I wanna start/handle the year to come. Idk bout ya’ll, but I would like to have a clean slate for the new decade. In the past year, I’ve had both good and bad times with men. Though bad experiences suck, I appreciate all that life gives me. As hard as it may be, we (men & women) cannot allow past heart breaks shape our future in love. If we do then we’ve given those losers too much control and we will lose this battle. This is something that a TON of black women deal with everyday. Sometimes that heartache and pain that a man has put us through makes us tough as hell on any guy that follows. We can’t keep doing this! You will drive yourself crazy and you may drive the right guy away. Fortunately, I have been able to bounce back from the bullshit and not have baggage for the next guy to claim. Don’t be sorry about something not working out, just use what you’ve learned to be careful the next time. This goes for men as well. Just because a chick burned you doesn’t mean that the next girl is gonna do you dirty. I always knew this was an issue, but if ya’ll haven’t heard Wale’s song “Diary” feat. Marsha Ambrosius, PLEASE take a listen. When I first heard the song I wanted to shed a thug tear because it speaks the TRUTH! So there’s my first point for the new year: let everyone new that enters your life start with a clean slate. Like in “Dangerous Minds,” when Michelle started every student out with an A and as they eff up, take points away.

There is a video circulating the web with a few professional black women speaking on how/why they are single and why it is so hard to date.

Lastly, let us all STOP playing effin games with each other. Yeah we all like the chase and the lil cat and mouse game may be fun in the beginning, but that shit gets old…QUICK! Honestly, there is no book of dating rules that says you can/can’t do this or that. The only rules you should play by are those that are true to you. Sidebar: you can take your friends’ advice if you wanna, but in the end it Is your life and your feelings so do what you want…who gon check ya boo?! For example, if you’re dating someone and you feel like you truly like them, don’t start pushing them away because you want them to chase you. That is so freakin stupid! When that person calls you, don’t take every other phone call. Don’t decide to not call them for a week because you wanna be the “cool” one. All that game playing, will have them saying “I don’t have time for this” and you will soon be back to square one. Don’t play yaself thinking “ohhh this is gonna make them want me.” True it may for a second, but as soon as someone else piques their interest you will be forgotten. And while we’re NOT playing foolish games, let’s keep it honest too. This whole lying thing is oh so overrated. A lot of men have this misconception of me saying “I only want the truth” meaning I want some of the truth. Nope not me, give it to me straight NO chaser! I don’t care how hurt you may THINK I’ll be, I will have more respect for you if you tell me the truth. Yeah the truth can hurt, but being lied to hurts deeper and longer so don’t disrespect me like that! To sum up my final point: less games and more honesty… I mean it is the best policy right?!

Let me know what ya’ll think and what you wanna see done differently for the new year of dating. I’m sure there are more issues out there, but these are pressing to me. Remember have fun! Dating shouldn’t be a burden. You only live once, make it count…oh and definitely BE SAFE!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I personally know more than a handful of successful black females who fit the criteria of the women being interviewed in this video. They’re concerned about their biological clocks ticking, of never creating the family they always wanted to go along with their otherwise picture perfect life. It is an awful thing to see a woman who has it all together settle for someone who has nothing and is basically a leach. At the end of the day, those parasitic relationships never work out anyway. I don’t think anyone should settle for less than what they deserve, but I think given the statistics, it’s definitely worth it for black women to figure out which of their criteria is necessary and which is complementary. For example, if a black woman went to grad school and/or is making $100K+ a year, has a perfectly fit body, beautiful face, great personality and is family oriented – does she need a man who is all of that 6′2″, likes to cook, rollerblade AND makes $20K more than her? If so, good luck to you. And even in a not so extreme case, there are women who have a modestly successful life – living comfortably – who have an issue finding decent black men who can at least provide for themselves. What I want to say is hold on, we are out there… you may have the odds against you but we are out there.

Watch the video and let me know your thoughts. Feel free to share your struggles, observations or possible solutions.

I’m a 25 yr old VERY single lady, so naturally I go out do single things and meet guys. Out of the last 4 guys I’ve met only ONE was childless. Now a few years ago, if you had a kid or kids I wasn’t checkin for ya, no ifs ands or buts about it. But recently I came to the conclusion that it is going to be extremely hard for me to meet guys without a kid. I just feel like I’m in the age range (25-30) where it’s very common for single men to have kids. Now that I’m older, I don’t have a big issue with dating guys with kids. I also feel like if I wanna date, I don’t really have room to be judgy towards men with kids. By the time I rule out those that are in situations, those that don’t like the ladies, and the unworthy ones, the pickings are slim.

Based on responses received on twitter, I’m not the only female experiencing this. While discussing this common theme with a few guy friends, they said that they don’t meet too many baby mamas. Even in friends/associates, I have one girlfriend who is expecting but I have MANY guy friends that have kids. If single women are meeting/dating baby daddies then who’s dating the baby mamas?! Are the baby daddies still dating the baby mamas AND other women? Are the baby mamas too busy to date? Do their careers and kid(s) take precedence over dating? Are the women in this age range not having kids as much as the men are (lots of guys date younger women)? I don’t know the answer, but I was curious to know what other people think is goings on…

What do yall think about all of this? And ladies, how do you feel about dating baby daddies?

Has a guy ever had you sooo open that the mere sensation of his lips on yours made you cum?! NO?! Well this has recently happened to me and I have NO idea how. Here’s the play by play, so fellas you can provide and ladies you can get you some KISSGASMS!
*Disclaimer: I’m pretty hip to guys’ game (my daddy taught me as a youngster) so I’ve never been a silly bitch in these streets..but this young sir got me ya’ll. So I suggest someone tries it…

So I met a guy one night after this party. I was attracted to him and his approach was cool so we exchanged numbers. My bff and I decided to hit the drive thru, him and his boy decided to follow. They pull up beside us so me and the guy could talk. The whole time his friend is butting in our convo making inappropriate/suggestive comments to me, but my guy doesn’t miss a beat. While his friend is ranting he is just looking at me and smiling. I noticed him lose focus and looking down at his phone. So I’m thinking “damn his friend is really blocking!” The next thing you know my text message alert on goes off and it’s a text from him saying “you’re sexy.” Sidebar: this is the game I’m used to, but it is cute. So I smiled and mouthed “thank you.” My bff (who knows the hating friend..DC is soo small) was annoyed by the hater, so she suggested that my guy and her switch so he could sit in the car with me.

This is when the fun begins… we’re in the car, typical get to know ya convo. I’m talkin away then I look at him and he’s like REALLY looking at me. Not my breast or thighs but in my EYES. I chuckle and look away then back at him. His eyes were still fixed on me. So the thug in me was like wtf are you doing?! He says nothing but keeps looking. So he says “try it!” Now, I’m a fan of eye contact but this seems a lil out of my league. Either way I give it a go.

I got serious and looked into his eyes as his looked into mines and I actually enjoyed it. He tells me to relax, let my mind wander, and just look at him. At first it was hard, but something in me let go and I felt comfy. This goes on for about an hour, subtle smiles, smirks, and compliments. A freakin hour of uninterrupted eye contact! He asks for my hand and grabs the other (never taking his eyes off of me.) Next thing I know his lips are on mine. When we kissed I felt his energy all over and through me. I thought I was gonna melt away it was utterly amazing. Now it’s damn near 4 am..we say our g’byes and we agree to chill the next day.

Next day…we’ve been chatting all morn and circa 1 he comes over. We’re chilling in the basement chatting, watching Martin, I’m still in pjs and a scarf and he is too (sans the scarf lol). As I’m watching TV I noticed him eye sexing me again. This time I’m ready and it feels even better than before. It was like mental sex…my mind (his as well) ran wild of all the things I WANTED to happen, but couldn’t allow. This time is even more intense than before. So when we kissed, between the combo of our closeness and my thoughts running wild, I got LOST. I was somewhere else. Nirvana maybe.

His kiss was perfect, just the way I likes it. It wasn’t rushed and sloppy, but still intense. All I know is mid kiss I came and came HARD, like legs trembling hard. He pulled away looked at me and smiled at me as said “see what happens when you let go a lil.” I damn sure did…guess he wanted to bring me pleasure without the actual act and he did! It was an outer body experience, that has NEVER happened before. Maybe the intense eye contact allowed me to let my guard down. IDK how or why but it happened and I enjoyed every moment of it! Get you a kissgasm.

To understand a little further, please watch this video from a dear friend of mine, J. Danielle, who is looking up above and singing her soul out (on key) about her desire for a butt and the notions of what she passionately believes it will bring her. Shout out to all my women with modest portions, Rondel loves ya babe! Walk with your heads high!

Honestly, I think the interview was fair. As previously blogged, I don’t think domestic abuse should be tolerated under any circumstances. I believe she is being genuine when she says she doesn’t hate Chris and wants the best for him. I also think this was a great look for women and girls to see that no matter how much love has blinded you, if you are getting beat, you need to step outside your situation and evaluate it from the third person P.O.V. As the Bajan barbie coined it “Eff Love.” Check the vid…

I would, however, like to open the topic for discussion for our men and women in the Black community and beyond, because this really is a socio-economic issue more than it is a race one, in my opinion. It becomes racial when we (Black people) are looking out for ourselves, within the larger scope of the issue. But it is an issue none-the-less. So here’s the letter…

Last weekend I attended my best friend’s bday dinner (the big 30)! A bunch of us were sitting around engaging in the regular banter of late 20’s/ early 30 young professionals. My BFF segues from into a story about a visit at her Ob/Gyn where her doctor, a white woman, begged her to start multiplying. The Ob/Gyn hoped not to offend, then told her more educated, professional AA’s need to start having babies and need to start having them soon, to balance out the craziness in our community.

I know your position on babies, but maybe we should re-think our position on not having children. We need more future Belles than not.

For the Belle’s full feedback on the letter, check her post out here.

I WOULD LOVE TO HERE WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THIS TOPIC. LET’S KEEP IT CLEAN AND RESPECTFUL!

I’m sure we are all familiar with the idea that good girls usually fall for bad boys. We’ve seen this happen over and over with our friends, families, celebs. Same old story – the girl has it all together: the looks, the smarts, the drive … and she ends up some good-for-nothing guy who likely doesn’t even treat her right. She’s just “addicted to the thrill, it’s a dangerous love affair.” But have you ever stopped to think about the other way around? If good girls tend to like bad boys, who do good guys like?

Well in recent conversations with good dudes and good girls seeking good dudes, I’ve discovered that many good guys go after bad girls. Before you go refuting the idea, allow me to explain a bit. The bad girls aren’t “bad” in the same way that the bad boys are. Whereas the bad boys likely don’t have a job, stability or social etiquette, these bad girls have all of the above. However, these bad girls lack emotional stability and the desire to please or be devoted to her man. They act out in public and do annoying things to get attention. In other words, good guys tend to fall for the cold-hearted and crazy.

Think I’m lying? Think of two good guys that you know (I know, this may take a minute, so take your time….) Now think about the relationships that they’ve been in. Chances are they’ve been with chicks that you secretly thought to yourself “he can do better.” You don’t gotta tell me, I already know.

The thing is, when one person has it all together, even though they may be all smiles, life can get mundane sometimes. When you know day in and day out that your ish is tight, you miss that spirit of spontaneity that comes along with being a bad ass. Whether that means doing wild ish and not caring who’s affected by it or playing with people’s emotions to because you have no control over your own. Or even the struggle of not knowing how you’re going to pay your bills or get out of some illegal bind. You can shake your head all dam day but what I’m saying is true. There are people who crave this lifestyle. It’s like their little project. The same way good girls are there to take care of bad boys, good guys feel like it’s their place to be the rock in these insane women’s lives.

But here’s the gotcha gotcha. Opposites attract and then they attack, hard. So all you good guys and good girls, stop trying to be a super hero! Get with someone on your level. Let these basic people you’re dealing with enjoy the other basket cases of the world, you should do better. The question is, do you want to?

Cougar (Urbandictionary.com): Noun. An older female who is on the “hunt” for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male.

How do we feel about cougars? Personally, I’m all about some good cougar action. I mean, if you’re a few years older than me, I’m all about it. The thing is, contrary to popular belief, some of us men actually are mature for our ages. Even if we’re not more mature, many of us young dudes know how to handle a woman better than a jaded ass older man who has been through the ringer and therefore has a secret vengeance against all woman-kind. And if research claims a woman reaches her sexual peak mid-30s, and us mean reach ours a good ten years earlier, why not fall prey to an amazing time?! I’m just saying.

However, if you are old enough to have had me nursing on your tate as a new born, then the bar is raised. I need for you to be Stacy Dash’s level of cougar hotness. Yes, I stand firm behind the fact that Stacy Dash is and forever will be the ultimate cougar, Queen Cougar if you will.

An old colleague of mine who was into astrology, numerology and such told me that in my love life I will deal with many diva-like, sassy older woman types who are into my boyish, fun-loving ways. I didn’t believe her until in the last month or so I have been approached by many a mountain lion. None quite a cougar of my caliber, but I was flattered nonetheless. Fact is, I’ve always been attracted to older females. When I was in 7th grade, all my crushes were in the 8th grade. When I turned 18, I definitely felt apt to handle a 22 year old woman.

But how old is too old? You know what, that’s a matter of personal opinion. We must refer to cougars in terms of YHS (years head start.) I am 25 right now and I’d probably be open to a 5-7 YHS. Maybe even 10, shit, it aint tricking if you got it. A woman is probably more financially and emotionally stable at that age. She is probably over love games and has either chosen the track to get serious and settle down or simply have fun and see where life takes her. I’m inclined to the latter, but I’m not even going to lie to you, I’m not mad at the man who marries a cougar.

I recently met a happily married woman who is seven years older than her husband. They met when he was 23 and she was 30. Fast-forward to today, he makes enough money where they mutually decided that she would stay home and tend to their children. Yes, a homemaker in 2009. That sounds like the life that some women I encounter are looking for (Not the woman I’m looking for, but I won’t judge you.)

If women have enjoyed sugar daddies for years, why can’t we men enjoy a good cougar? Take me out sometimes, help me map out my life, school me about your life experiences, teach ME some shit. In turn, I’ll put that young boy swag on it. All in all, I don’t see anything wrong with the pairing of an adventurous woman who is a little older and a young man who is able and willing. Fellas, how do you feel about cougars? If you’re down, what’s your YSH? Women, are you open to an “energetic, willing to do anything male”?