By Purple Pump

Everybody talks about ending the year with a bang, and while I’m down for that I am more concerned about how I wanna start/handle the year to come. Idk bout ya’ll, but I would like to have a clean slate for the new decade. In the past year, I’ve had both good and bad times with men. Though bad experiences suck, I appreciate all that life gives me. As hard as it may be, we (men & women) cannot allow past heart breaks shape our future in love. If we do then we’ve given those losers too much control and we will lose this battle. This is something that a TON of black women deal with everyday. Sometimes that heartache and pain that a man has put us through makes us tough as hell on any guy that follows. We can’t keep doing this! You will drive yourself crazy and you may drive the right guy away. Fortunately, I have been able to bounce back from the bullshit and not have baggage for the next guy to claim. Don’t be sorry about something not working out, just use what you’ve learned to be careful the next time. This goes for men as well. Just because a chick burned you doesn’t mean that the next girl is gonna do you dirty. I always knew this was an issue, but if ya’ll haven’t heard Wale’s song “Diary” feat. Marsha Ambrosius, PLEASE take a listen. When I first heard the song I wanted to shed a thug tear because it speaks the TRUTH! So there’s my first point for the new year: let everyone new that enters your life start with a clean slate. Like in “Dangerous Minds,” when Michelle started every student out with an A and as they eff up, take points away.

There is a video circulating the web with a few professional black women speaking on how/why they are single and why it is so hard to date.

They even expressed having the “black girl curse.” I have a lot of guy friends and we have discussed the disconnect between the black man and the black woman. A few have even stated that it seems impossible to please or satisfy a black woman. I must admit I’ve heard some people’s standards and expectations, and it seems like they will be single forever. I do believe that we should all have criteria that we would like the person of the opposite to meet, but sometimes we can take it too far. Like no one in this world is perfect and we all have our flaws, so we should remember this as we are criticizing someone else. I’m not saying settle, please don’t do that. But be flexible enough to compromise. Before you start dating in the new year, take a look at your standards and decipher what you really NEED someone to be in your life vs. what you WANT them to be in your life. We may never get all we want in life but we can definitely survive and be happy having what we need. Remember that wants come and go, but needs help you survive. My second point for the new year: really evaluate what characteristics you NEED in an ideal (notice I didn’t say perfect) mate.

Lastly, let us all STOP playing effin games with each other. Yeah we all like the chase and the lil cat and mouse game may be fun in the beginning, but that shit gets old…QUICK! Honestly, there is no book of dating rules that says you can/can’t do this or that. The only rules you should play by are those that are true to you. Sidebar: you can take your friends’ advice if you wanna, but in the end it Is your life and your feelings so do what you want…who gon check ya boo?! For example, if you’re dating someone and you feel like you truly like them, don’t start pushing them away because you want them to chase you. That is so freakin stupid! When that person calls you, don’t take every other phone call. Don’t decide to not call them for a week because you wanna be the “cool” one. All that game playing, will have them saying “I don’t have time for this” and you will soon be back to square one. Don’t play yaself thinking “ohhh this is gonna make them want me.” True it may for a second, but as soon as someone else piques their interest you will be forgotten. And while we’re NOT playing foolish games, let’s keep it honest too. This whole lying thing is oh so overrated. A lot of men have this misconception of me saying “I only want the truth” meaning I want some of the truth. Nope not me, give it to me straight NO chaser! I don’t care how hurt you may THINK I’ll be, I will have more respect for you if you tell me the truth. Yeah the truth can hurt, but being lied to hurts deeper and longer so don’t disrespect me like that! To sum up my final point: less games and more honesty… I mean it is the best policy right?!

Let me know what ya’ll think and what you wanna see done differently for the new year of dating. I’m sure there are more issues out there, but these are pressing to me. Remember have fun! Dating shouldn’t be a burden. You only live once, make it count…oh and definitely BE SAFE!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!